You’ve Earned Your Stripes

This is me . 1 month postpartum . 

1 month since I’ve been born again & I don’t mean baptized in holy waters. 

1 month in my new body , mind & spirit . 

I’m learning how to feel & be felt . Again . 

“You still pregnant aren’t you?”

“Is there another one in there?” 

These are things I heard only days after leaving the hospital . 

This was my birth ; Right !?

Damn it , this IS my BIRTH RIGHT . 

I had been growing an entire being within my body for the last 10 months , yet was expected to snap back in 4 days ?

I felt myself shrinking . 

Not physically, just mentally . 

I hid behind my clothes , wondering if I would ever get my body back . Wondering if my partner looked at me the same way he did 10 months ago when we created this tiny human . 

Wondering if this was the same way mothers all around the world were feeling moments after their life’s greatest accomplishment? Small ?

I instantly took my power back . Each day I walked past the mirror , I stared a little longer. A glimpse became a gaze until a gaze became a stare . A stare of admiration . That this little body of mine not only created an entire being who will grow to be bigger than me , but carried him for an entire 10 months . Oh but there’s more .  . . I labored & pushed him out of my va-gin-a 😯 with not a drop of medication. Stretched me in every way that one could be stretched . Physically & mentally. 

Remembering the times I spoke of having a child & hearing “Don’t mess up that gorgeous body of yours.” from the very women who gave me this body . 

And knowing now that not only is my body gorgeous , but it’s strong , it’s resilient, it’s warm , it’s loving . 

Knowing now that this body is protective armor that houses my vulnerable soul & once made space for another vulnerable soul . . 

& is still working overtime as a powerhouse that provides nourishment for that same soul . 

I mean really ? Who the hell wants to look like a snack when you can be soul food . 

So now when Jameel tells me how beautiful I am , it penetrates a little deeper than before . Bouncing off my walls like an echo in a dark cave . 

Learn to be patient with yourself .

You aren’t who you were 10 months ago & you never will be . But THAT’S OKAY .

You grew in a major way . Girl , you got marks to prove it . So continue to stretch , continue to grow . & love yourself easy during the process. 

I would’ve thought new era cut you a deal the way you’ve been sporting all those new hats . Effortlessly. 

Love , Self 💛

P.S. It’s safe to say . . 

You’ve earned your stripes 🧡🖤